My relationship with my subscription to The Atlantic is one of hope and inspiration. When I see a copy of the magazine arrive, it feels like I’m brushing shoulders with a different version of myself.
This is a version that I aspire to be, but that consistently eludes me through my own lack of determination. It’s a more consistently well read, academic version of me. It’s a version that has opinions, and shares them loudly and eloquently. When I (rarely) open a magazine from this $90 a year subscription, I instantly feel smarter–somehow more powerful. But this is an illusion.
What would happen if I called and canceled my subscription and never saw another issue again? I would soon forget about its existence until months later, when I find one randomly tucked away somewhere on my bookshelf. Still, I haven’t canceled my subscription, because this periodic fantasy of a more sophisticated “me" gives me hope, entertains me, inspires me, grounds me. It makes me believe in that… Someday.
As long as I’m getting the magazines, there’s going to be a yearning, deep in my body, that says, “This is what I want to be. I want to be a more knowledgeable, more cultured, more articulate person than the one I am today.”
And that is enough of a reason to keep getting these magazines. Is there anything like that in your life–something that reminds you of an idealized version of yourself? Not in a bad self-deprecating way, but in a hopeful way? And how do you navigate through the maze to get from where you currently are to where you’re catching up with that version of yourself, and walking with them side-by-side, instead of periodically catching glimpses of each other? How do you continue to progress, and excel, and strive, while also feeling satisfaction and pride with where you are today?
Is it possible for us to live in the moment while also maintaining correspondence with the idealized version of ourselves? Is having an idealized version of ourselves a burden or is it a North Star?
Fun fact: The Atlantic has been around since 1857 and the current Publisher is Laurene Powell Jobs (billionaire, philanthropist and Steve Jobs’ widow). And no, this is not an advertisement but just something I learned when writing this blog.
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